What up yall. There are two songs by an emcee from Philly, Last Emperor, called Secret Wars Part I & II (Part I http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SPjPGeYlMU part II http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYlEOs2N0fc ). The idea of the songs are to put rappers against comic book characters in battle in teams with the emcee coaching team Hip hop against Stan Lee’s team Comic. One of my favorite concept songs of all time, the impressions on part two are classic. I was thinking what if I applied this to a pair of my favorite sit coms, The Cosby Show vs The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Nine one-on-one battles to answer the age old question: Who would win in a fight, the Banks’ or the Huxtables? It’s in the spirit of sit com beef I present Cliff and ‘nem vs Will and ‘nem.
Round One: Jazz VS. Cockroach
In one corner you have Jazz, Wills best friend from Compton, in the other you have Cockroach Theo’s boy Walter from up the street. Jazz can take a lot of punishment; he’s use to getting thrown out of the crib by Uncle Phil. His strength is also proven, as he once picked up and threw Uncle Phil out of the house. On the other hand Cockroach is cunning, slick and creative. But Walter Bradley is also the type to go for self, like that time they were had the tickets to go to the dance show and he left Theo out front.
Winner: Jazz
Round Two: Little Nicky Banks VS. Olivia Kendall
In the Red Corner you have the youngest of the Banks clan. Little homie had some small catch phrases but never really mattered on TV. Olivia on the other hand carried the Huxtables on her back for the last few seasons. This one is an early KO.
Winner: Olivia Kendall
Round Three Hilary Banks VS. Denise Huxtable/Kendall
Another landslide victory. Hilary won’t lift a finger to do anything, while Denise is very resourceful (remember the Gordon Gartrell shirt) and adventurous. I say ape mon!
Winner: Denise Huxtable
Round Four: Geoffrey VS. Russell Huxtable
Now this one is interesting. You have Cliff’s pops versus the butler. Mr. Huxtable aka Anna’s better half is an old musician who has lived a full life and had many experience. G on the other hand is an English gentleman who also is longer of tooth, but not as long as old Russ. Plus, G is also down to ride out, remember Raphael De La Ghetto (Cannons!)?
Winner: Geoffrey Barbara Butler
Round Five: Carlton Banks VS. Elvin Tibideaux
If I remember correctly, Elvin was an outdoors man turned doctor, and Carlton was a douche bag prep, who was very smart. Two things make this one an easy choice. The first is the time Carlton had copped that burner from Sweets (Juice reference) to get revenge on homeboys that shot Will. The second, and the one that seals the deal, is when C-Note, Dee-Bo and crew were going to MacArthur Park to hustle fake Gucci bags. Carlton won’t nee the park ranger for this one Boo Boo.
Winner: Carlton “C-Note” Banks
Round Six: Ashley Banks VS. Rudy Huxtable
This is a tough one. Ashley learned a lot from Will and he from the though streets of West Philly *sarcasm font*. On the other hand, Rudy had bullied a boy (Bud) into, changing his name AND being her friend. The Gooch of the brown stone in Brooklyn FTW
Winner: Rudy Huxtable
We are now entering the championship rounds.
Round Seven: Aunt Viv VS. Clair Huxtable
This begs the question: Light skin Viv or OG Viv? Oh yeah this is my blog, both of them. They double team and beat the breaks off Clair with all her attitude and singing and Spanish and law degree and all them kids.
Winner: The Vivian Banks’
Round Eight: Uncle Phil VS. Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable
This is a classic lawyer versus doctor match up. The voice of the original TMNT’s Shredder outweighs Cliff by quite a few pounds. But what he lack in size, “Combustible” Huxtable makes up for in speed. He’s also funnier, smoother, smarter and more respected.
Winner: Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable
We are at a standstill, four rounds a piece. And the 9th and deciding round:
Round Nine: Will Smith VS. Theo Aloysius Huxtable
To the naked eye, this may look like an easy one. Prince is younger, taller, funnier and all that. You have to remember one thing; the whole Will Smith character is based on a guy that ran from Philly to avoid a beef. Do you remember the time the big dude, aka The Enforcer; put the joint in Theo’s Book? When his parents found it and when he denied it they believed him. He still ran up on homie.
Winner: Theo Huxtable
There you have it, the winner and still black sitcom champion: The Cosby Show. If you disagree…Your Opinion Is Wrong. Peace

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