227, Dallas Cowboys, Different Strokes, Family Guy, Family Matters, Fathers Day, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Full House, Good Times, Married With Children, Maryland, My Wife & Kids, Sanford & Son, Sons of Anarchy, The Boondocks, The Cosby Show, The Jeffersons, The Simpsons, The Wayans Bros., TV Dads
*Scrolls through music on phone, opens Ed O.G. & Da Bulldogs Life of a Kid in the Ghetto folder, presses play on # 5* What up y’all, it’s the Father’s Day edition of good old Y.O.I.W. and I’m in the mood for some fun. If you know me, you know I grew up on TV, cartoon, wrasslin, and sit coms. I remember loving sick days because after the usual morning cartoon went off it was I Love Lucy, Andy Griffith, I Dream of Jeanie, and Bewitched. I’d sip my OJ wrapped up in a quilt at Mama Irene’s, laughing between shots of that nasty pink “bubblegum” flavored medicine. So in the spirit of Daddy Sunday & Ma Irene’s house (7640 Forever) I present my favorite 15 TV Daddies of all time.
15. Clay Marrow – A ruthless vicious vato like ‘Lonzo. Jax Teller’s step pops is the only villain that made the list. A guy you love to hate. Gemma’s Old man made the list by being quite possibly the worst TV dad of all time…maybe worse that Ben Vereen on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
14. Lester Jenkins – Mary’s Husband, reppin’ the DMV. Probably would have been higher on the list but he always had that Redskin jacket on. Brenda’s daddy gets his spot on the list for two reasons, for dealing with plotting, busy body, loud mouth Mary, and never sneaking up stairs to mess with that freak body Sandra.
13. Philip Drummond – The King of the “Very Special Episode”. Kim’s daddy made the list for being the 2nd TV pops to take somebody else’s charge, with two smart mouth black kids from Harlem world. Phil had that dough-cheese too. Remember when Arnold and Dudley went to that bike shop for banana splits…I digress…
12. Homer Simpson – His longevity alone gets him a spot. I hope he’s somewhere on Sunday sippin a Duff with Marge rubbin his feet, with Bart, Lisa and Maggie over at Ned Flanders’ crib, ’bout to knock Marge’s socks off.
11. Michael Kyle – This guy had 2 and a half daughters, a dumb son, a daughter in law and grand baby, that and him being one of the funniest guys on this list gets him a spot. Shout out to G from New York Undercover.
10. Pops/Granddad – John Witherspoon makes the list with two characters. Marlon and Shawn’s daddy in The Wayans Brother and Huey and Riley’s Granddad. Two of my favorite songs ever were sung by this man, The New Shoes song and “My Love’s going Bang Bang Bang”. Is that a mushroom belt?
9. Carl Winslow – Another victim of a dumb son. He had one daughter go upstairs and nobody saw here again until she popped up in porn. Ended up being a good daddy to the nerdy neighbor kid. Helped his smart daughter be a success. Was married to Cousin Larry’s elevator operator. He gets on here for dealing with her husky voice alone. Plus he did a pretty good job helping John McClain in Nakatomi tower.
8. Danny Tanner – Earns his way in the top ten for raising two daughters without a mom, puttin up with his dead wife’s Elvis loving brother and putting up with Joey Gladstone’s jokes. Have you seen his stand up…not quite for Michelle…?
7. George Jefferson – The first, but not the last, bigot to make the list. Lionel’s pop also had to deal with Mary from 227 and a husky voiced wife. He had to deal with Tom, Helen, and Mr. Bently, but he makes the list for the meanest two step on a TV dad. Honorable mention to Deacon Earnest Frye.
6. Peter Griffin – Almost made the top five off the laugh along. He makes the list because he’s been cancelled twice and is still on the air. Another dad dealing with a dumb son…an ugly daughter and a gay son who keeps trying to kill his wife…but he is just flat out hilarious. The bird IS the word.
5. Al Bundy – Here’s where we get into the money…top 5. Grandmaster B’s dad had a dumb daughter, a wife who couldn’t cook, and a son who dabbled in wiggerdom. He bought American, drank American and loved the nudie bar. The president of No Ma’am was a man’s man and was hittin Gemma way before Hellboy came into the picture.
4. Dr. Heathcliff “Combustible” Huxtable – A lot of you probably wanted, expected this guy to be #1. Nah son…too soft…GREAT DAD…btw I don’t think Sandra and Denise were his…I think Clair pulled the Ookey Doke on Cliff with them two. Rudy’s daddy was getting that doctor dough living in a mean brownstone in the BK…Another dumb son daddy…at least this one was diagnosed. I loved that he didn’t come from money but got to the top…just like George and Weezie.
3. Uncle Philip Banks – Would have come in #2 but his toughness also comes into question. Another something from nothing story. The voice of Shredder and Ashley, Carlton and Hilary’s daddy started off a lawyer and made Judge. Remember when Carlton was selling the fake bags in MacArthur park, Prince used a school word…anyway…Uncle Phil was a better daddy to Willard Smith than that pesky old leopard from Zoobilee Zoo could have ever been. Reverend Crawford, is a legend as far as TV daddies go.
2. James Evans – The toughest daddy on the list. He could have made #1 but you know…the whole Michael thing. A serious dude, could shoot pool, and shut up the whole house just by bugging his eyes. He was a bread winner, defender of the home and the last word in discipline…all without ever combing his hair. JJ and Thelma’s pops made it this high on the list also for being smart enough to keep some of that money he found that time, and for kissing Florida that many time…damn damn damn indeed.
AND THE WINNER IS
#1 Fred G. Sanford – …and the G is for Great Dad. He dealt with the biggest hater son ever. Every time Fast Freddy, Lucky Leroy, Smooth, Skillet Shady Grady, and Big Boy Bubba had some girls come thru, eat a wild parsley salad, have a nip of the ripple or tried to chill and watch some television he at the least complained. The best junkyard coordinator of all time was a smooth dapper dude who repped hard for the Lou in Watts. Another single daddy whose wife had passed on raised that punk Lamont by himself. The one time Junk Man of the Year was another sufferer of the dumb son but he had the stones to call a spade a spade “big dummy”. Who doesn’t love Fred Sanford, the greatest TV Dad of all time?
Honorable mention goes out to Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor, Mike Brady, Ricky Ricardo, Col. Bradford Taylor, “Big” Dan Conner, Alan Matthews, Hank Hill, Howard “Mr. C” Cunningham, and Both Darrin Stephens’. All great TV dads in their own rights, but couldn’t hold a candle to Ready Freddie. The sun is shining, it’s Father’s Day weekend and only 82 Days until Dallas Cowboy football…and if you think differently, Your Opinion Is Wrong. Happy Father’s Day Peace